When you first meet someone and pass the courting stage you will probably enter a period where you enjoy sex at every opportunity you get, this could be daily or twice daily. However, every couple experiences a reduced need for sex as the relationship becomes more comfortable. This does not mean the love has gone, rather that the time available has reduced. Commitments at work and at home will often drain you physically and emotionally leaving very little time for sex.
It is important to note that every marriage is different; if you and your partner are both happy with sex once a month then the intimacy has remained intact. If, however, you feel you do not have sex enough then there is an issue; the following tips can help you to solve this and save your marriage before it is too late:
Sexual appetite – talk about needs and wants with your partner
The first thing to establish is your sexual appetite versus that of your partner. It is highly unlikely that both of you will have the same sexual drive. To ensure both parties are aware of what the other would like it is essential to talk about your needs and how they can best be fulfilled. It is not fair to question your partner’s commitment to the marriage if they are content with sex once a week and you want it every day. Talking about it will enable you both to vocalize any frustrations and come to an agreement that keeps you both happy.
Make time for romance
This sounds very unromantic but it can be a necessity. Commitments take up valuable time and can easily take up more time than they should. Feeling comfortable in your marriage will probably mean that it is your relationship which suffers when you are struggling to get on top of your workload. With all these things going on it can be a good starting point to schedule an hour or two every week for sex and intimacy. This will gradually grow into an unscheduled activity but a schedule can help you to start having sex again; especially after a long break from it.
Communication – the key to a healthy and fun intimate life
As with most things in a relationship it is essential to communicate with each other. Every marriage requires work and everyone has good and bad days. By communicating with your partner you will be able to identify any specific issues and they can help you to deal with them. If these issues or time commitments are affecting your ability to have sex at least your partner will understand why this is happening. They can then attempt to help you.
Effort and commitment
Couples which have been together for a long time may find that their sexual appetite reduces. This is a common issue in long term marriages. Thankfully it is one that can be easily sorted. Both partners must make an effort to be available for sex and even to initiate sex. It is a very relaxing activity and can create a deeper bond between two people when conducted regularly. A little effort from both parties can turn a sexless marriage into one which has a high level of intimacy.
Spice things up in the bedroom with toys
An excellent way of retaining the intimacy in your relationship is to explore additional options together. There are a variety of possibilities; from role playing to light bondage or simply using a few sex toys to add a spark to the intimacy of your marriage. Once you have been together for a reasonable period of time it should be possible to openly talk about your fantasies and even to follow up on the ones that you are both comfortable with. This can add can a real buzz to your relationship and ensure you stay intimate for many years to come. Remember, couples who are intimate together stay together!
Last but not least, it is critical to be spontaneous when you’re in a relationship – whether or not you’re married. While sex is a matter or lust and desire, it is also a matter of creativity. Surprise your partner with a romantic night out every now and then, and do things differently. Be spontaneous and don’t wait for his birthday to wear that sexy negligee you bought 30 days ago!
Retaining intimacy in a marriage can be tough. After years and years of being together, some couples call it quits and give up. Believe it or not, there are ways to make it work. All you have to do is be open-minded. Use your creativity to make your love life interesting, and always leave room for some mystery. Wow your partner with your personality and ingenuity, and stop wearing sweatpants on a Sunday!
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples in therapy. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is currently associated with Marriage.com, a reliable resource assisting millions of couples to resolve their marital issues. She holds a Master’s Degree in Arts (Clinical Psychology with an Emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy).