How many kids is too many kids?

Posted on by Crystal in Kids | Leave a comment

When people ask how many kids I have and I respond that “I have four and would like one more,” they look at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. First of all, don’t judge! It’s rude and archaic. I thought our species was evolving. Read more

Caden’s F-Bomb

Posted on by Crystal in Cadenisms | Leave a comment

Caden seems to think that saying something under your breath is saying it to yourself – not meant for anyone else to hear and, therefore, “does not count.” Such is the case with me catching him red-handed the other night muttering the F-bomb as we dined outside on the patio. Now I’m a laidback mom. Always have been. My kids and I talk openly about sex, drugs and life. I’m also pretty lenient when it comes to cursing. As long as they’re not swearing like sailors or openly in public or when company is over, I let a lot slide. Read more

MUDD and Moving Makes Me Mainly Manic

Posted on by Crystal in MUDDies | Leave a comment

We are finally “in” the new rental house, but far from unpacked. Littered around us is our life in boxes, bags and blue oversized totes. And we’re now at the part I dread the most – finding a place for everything; the perfect nook and cranny for every last “thing.” With so many thoughts to process, my MUDD is officially in overdrive. I cannot keep a thought together or complete an action without being sidetracked or lured by five or six other things sitting there screaming at me “PUT ME AWAY!” Read more

The Cellulite Wars: How DO you get rid of Cellulite?

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | 1 Comment

How do you get rid of cellulite? It might be the million-dollar question…

Since I was 17, I have been fighting the war on cellulite. It’s been a losing battle and that’s putting it mildly. Even during my most hardcore weight lifting days, when I felt I was in pristine shape, it was still there nagging at me like a hobbit in a well. Cellulite does not discriminate. Skinny or far from it, most women get an unexpected visit from the Cellulite Fairy at some point in their lives. One day all is well. The next day you wake to find your once luscious ass has turned into a lumpy, dimpled, cottage-cheese resembling couch pillow. Cellulite’s a bitch. Read more

The End of Twilight

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | Leave a comment

Since the release of the second trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 2, I’ve been having a hard time coming to grips with the notion that the Twilight era is coming to an end. Laugh at me all you want, but like millions of mature women around the world, I’m a huge fan of this dark, romantic series – an addict, in fact. I’ve lingered like a lust-filled Shakespearean character for each new taste of Twilight. From the moment the first book hit store shelves in 2005, there has always been some vampirish, Forks-induced, Bella-inspired event on the horizon – something to fuel the fantasy just a little bit longer. But soon, this mystical era will see its final days. Read more

Moving – Again

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | Leave a comment

I’m so sick of moving. This will be the third time in less than three years and the 11th time altogether. It’s tiring and absolutely brings out the angry speed-talking demon jaguar in everyone. By the time the last load is unloaded and the former place is cleaned, I am ready to throat punch the nearest individual. I still haven’t learned my lesson either. I NEVER take time off to move. Now granted, I have been a little spoiled the last few times as my husband has some I Dream of Genie moving power and Read more

Horsing Around with Caden

Posted on by Crystal in Cadenisms | Leave a comment

My 12-year-old son, Caden, has a lot to say. And often, what he says is truly comical. I’ve been sharing his funny outtakes, quotes and sayings on Facebook for years and thought I would capture them here, too, with an entire category devoted to him: Cadenisms!

As we were driving home tonight, out of nowhere and without any warning, Caden asks me: “Have you ever wiped a horse at night?” WHAT?!?! I almost drove off the road. Who asks questions like that?

First, I had no idea what he said. It was like garbled gooply goop drowning in the sounds of an open passenger-side window and the rumble of the Hummer tires. My initial thought was that whatever he had said had something to do with wiping a horse’s arse (or worse). Read more

Grandmother Alert! Call Me Grand Mah Mah!

Posted on by Crystal in Kids | Leave a comment

I always knew I had a chance of being a grandmother at young age considering I had my first child at 17. That hunch proved right two months ago when my first-born, Keith, broke the news that he was going to be a daddy. I’ve been on cloud nine ever since! I cannot wait to hold my precious grandchild in my arms for the very first time. But I do have a couple of requests for this unborn child. Read more