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Tap Water For Sale! Bring Your Own Cup (BYOC)!

Posted on by Crystal in Lifestyle | Leave a comment

The summer Olympics are almost upon us.

In other news, you really can sell snow to a polar bear. Did you hear about this “water-only café” that opened in Manhattan? That’s right. For just $2.50, you can get ridden like…I mean, you can get yourself a one-of-a-kind 16-ounce glass of water. Tap water. Now, don’t get me wrong. This tap water has journeyed through a $20,000 filtration system, making it Queen of all Water. And you can add a bunch of different supplements that sound like they replace The Hair Club for Men, Viagra and penicillin all in a sip. The only requirement? Bring your own container. Yep. Don’t expect to find any red SOLO cups here. But they will do the rest of the work for you. You know, turn the lever on and fill up your cup. All for the bargain price of $2.50. Read more

Are you raising a clingmaster?

Posted on by Crystal in Motherhood, Oh Aless! | 1 Comment

Aless just turned 7 months, and I have to admit she is attached to me at the hip. It’s like having an overexcited growth with 16 arms hanging from the side of your body. Now this wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t feel it necessary to get upset 8 out of 10 times when I try to put her down and walk away. The times I do put her down and she is content typically involve being on the floor or squarely in eyesight of her brother, Cade. She has an affinity for this kid. Read more

Do I have skin cancer?

Posted on by Crystal in Lifestyle | Leave a comment

I’m headed to the doctor tomorrow to have a suspicious spot on my face checked. Strangely, in just two days a once silent brown “spot” has turned a pearly, pink color and is very sore and itchy. Naturally, I’m worried. And have every reason to be freaking out just a bit. Until two years ago, I worshipped the sun and spent hours upon hours in tanning booths. I started when I was just 15-years-old. Any chance I could get to lie out in the sun or take advantage of a tanning booth, I was there. It wasn’t until I noticed the skin on my arms and legs taking on a leathery appearance that I finally gave up this dangerous addiction – which I do believe it is. Read more

How many kids is too many kids?

Posted on by Crystal in Kids | Leave a comment

When people ask how many kids I have and I respond that “I have four and would like one more,” they look at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. First of all, don’t judge! It’s rude and archaic. I thought our species was evolving. Read more

The Cellulite Wars: How DO you get rid of Cellulite?

Posted on by Crystal in Parenting | 1 Comment

How do you get rid of cellulite? It might be the million-dollar question…

Since I was 17, I have been fighting the war on cellulite. It’s been a losing battle and that’s putting it mildly. Even during my most hardcore weight lifting days, when I felt I was in pristine shape, it was still there nagging at me like a hobbit in a well. Cellulite does not discriminate. Skinny or far from it, most women get an unexpected visit from the Cellulite Fairy at some point in their lives. One day all is well. The next day you wake to find your once luscious ass has turned into a lumpy, dimpled, cottage-cheese resembling couch pillow. Cellulite’s a bitch. Read more

The End of Twilight

Posted on by Crystal in Lifestyle | Leave a comment

Since the release of the second trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 2, I’ve been having a hard time coming to grips with the notion that the Twilight era is coming to an end. Laugh at me all you want, but like millions of mature women around the world, I’m a huge fan of this dark, romantic series – an addict, in fact. I’ve lingered like a lust-filled Shakespearean character for each new taste of Twilight. From the moment the first book hit store shelves in 2005, there has always been some vampirish, Forks-induced, Bella-inspired event on the horizon – something to fuel the fantasy just a little bit longer. But soon, this mystical era will see its final days. Read more

Disconnected Day

Posted on by Crystal in MUDDies | Leave a comment

It’s been a strange day. One of those days where everything feels, disconnected. It’s where you look at someone and say nothing, think nothing. Walk into a room and just stand there. Disconnected and I really don’t know how else to describe it. It’s as if I’m having some weird outer body experience. My grandmother used to call it being in a “funk” and I guess she could be right. But I always thought of a funk as a week-long (or more) stretch of just being out of sorts. A friend refers to these days as having “brain fog.” I feel like this is something a bit more. It’s brain fog meets not seeing anything in front of you even Read more

The Drink That Will Bring You Back to Life

Posted on by Crystal in Cadenisms | Leave a comment

My 12-year-old son, Caden, has a lot to say. And often, what he says is truly comical. I’ve been sharing his funny outtakes, quotes and sayings on Facebook for years and thought I would capture them here, too, with an entire category devoted to him: Cadenisms!

A recipe I found online today reminded me a something Caden said at Christmas time this past year. After taking a sip of egg nog he cheered:

“Yum! This egg nog is good. It tastes like that Reincarnation Breakfast mix!” 🙂

Forget Gatorade. Caden has the drink that will bring you back to life.