On our way to Wal-Mart yesterday and after leaving Applebee’s where one Pontilicious had several Happy Hour margaritas (have you ever seen the size of those puppies?!), we stopped at a convenience store in a rather – unpleasant? – part of town. This resulted in the following conversation:
PONTILICIOUS: Did you really lock the doors when I went inside?
PONTILICIOUS: Why? I was right there (points to inside of store). Literally, feet from you. Only that glass window was between us.
ME: I don’t care. This is not the best area of town. I didn’t want someone car jacking us or taking one of the kids. Read more
PONTILICIOUS: Yes, I’d like to pay our auto insurance premium. Our account number? Shoot. I don’t have the bill in front of me. (slight pause). Wait. Let me see if I can remember it from last time. (randomly shoots off some long ass string of numbers). Is that right? (they say yes) Wow! That’s good.
ME: (interrupting) You’re really good with numbers.
PONTILICIOUS: I know I am. Isn’t that weird?
ME: No. I think it’s awesome. You should do something with numbers; like be a financial analyst or accountant. Or bet on horses full-time.
PONTILICIOUS: I should do something like that!
ME: Why are you so good at remembering random numbers?
PONTILICIOUS: I don’t know.
ME: Maybe you’re a savant.
PONTILICIOUS: I’m not a savant. What the hell.
ME: Okay. Maybe you’re just the idiot part. (now bent over dying laughing)
PONTILICIOUS: Thanks. The customer service rep just heard this whole conversation and had to put me on hold she was laughing so hard.
ME: I love you, Rainman. (continuing to laugh so hard tears are flowing)
This post is not meant to offend or cause harm. It was a lighthearted moment between me and my husband. Take it with a grain of salt.
ME: I’m glad we didn’t have a chimney fire yesterday. That scared the shit out of me.
PONTILICIOUS: I knew we didn’t have one.
ME: Well it was a relief to not see flames shooting out of the chimney.
PONTILICIOUS: What the hell? Read more
Sometimes you just gotta laugh…
PONTILICIOUS: (standing on front porch with door wide open to the living room) It’s so warm outside today!
ME: (shivering and cursing under my breath) It’s like 10 degrees out. It’s not warm. Read more
Aless woke up at 3:30 again yesterday morning. Rather than sit there like a couple of mutant zombies, Pontilicious and I turned on some early morning programming otherwise known as the infomercial mosh pit of ick. It’s always the same old miracle stain removers, photoshopped abs and vacuum cleaners that could suck up small planets. OMG! There goes Uranus! Grab it! No, don’t, really. That’s just weird and gross. Read more
PONTILICIOUS: Do bats have sonar?
ME: Yep. Bats do indeed have sonar.
PONTILICIOUS: Like the kind that goes “beep beep beep?”
ME: (paused – in a state of confusion and disbelief) Are you serious?
ME: You’re dead serious, aren’t you? Read more