MommiFried’s Laws of Toddlers

laws of toddlers

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong,” said the infamous Murphy. He (whoever he was or is fabled to be) must have time traveled and discovered my house eons into the future. Lately, it’s been a lot of down and relatively little up. But that’s a story for another day. From Murphy, a lot of makeshift “laws” have been written. Some of the more popular include, “The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet” and “The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.” Well, maybe those aren’t the most popular, but they made me smile. It also makes me wonder what Murphy would have said about toddlers. Since we don’t know, I’ve come up with my own set of laws that I believe will resonate with any mom or dad currently parenting a toddler or who has at some point raised one of these majestic little beasts. May the force – or wine – be with you!

MommiFried’s Laws of Toddlers

  • When in a rush, your toddler will inevitably poop his or her pants or proceed to decorate their clothes with grape juice, dirt or some unidentifiable sticky goo that magically appeared out of nowhere.
  • There is no such thing as too much Bubble Guppies. Yet when there are only two seasons available on Amazon Prime you might consider a white padded room after watching three consecutive weeks of three-fingered fish.
  • The cabinet full of pots and pans will always be more fun than the $100 motorized Jeep you bought him or her for Christmas. This time around, invest in a new set of Rachel Ray cookware. Your food will taste better and your kid will be happier.
  • A toddler’s favorite time of day is…food; the times they get to throw it, that is. Or paint their faces with it. Or use it as modeling clay. They will and do – always.
  • If you accidentally fall asleep for 10 minutes, you will wake up to a living room and kitchen decorated in squirt mustard and ketchup. This lead to my epic meltdown – more on that at a later time.
  • The intensity of a toddler’s tantrum is directly proportional to the size of your headache. If it’s a whopper, you can bet the tantrum will be, too.
  • When you’re starving and haven’t eaten all day, they’ll want whatever it is your eating. When you’re not all that hungry and eating something, it might as well be bean-covered asparagus sticks.
  • If you wear white or light-colored clothing, they will stain it with SOMETHING before you even have a chance to react. They’re opportunists like that.
  • If you mention that your toddler hasn’t been sick for ages, they will wake up with a fever the next day. Keep this awesome info to yourself for best results.
  • Feeding your toddler M&M’s by the handfuls at 7:00 at night to try to keep him or her awake later will not result in a sleeping child at 6:30 in the morning. They will still wake up at 4:00 – this time with a sore stomach. Double whammy!
  • If you open the refrigerator door, they will come.

What laws would you add to this list?

Posted on by Crystal in Kids

24 Responses to MommiFried’s Laws of Toddlers

  1. Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama

    This is AWESOME! Best thing I’ve read all day!
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted..Handful Bra Review & Giveaway

  2. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons

    Ha! We are beyond toddlerhood, but if my memory serves, this list is spot-on!

  3. Mariann

    This list of Toddlers Laws is spot on! I laughed from start to finish. It feels good to know that it’s not only me and my Little’s. Kids are so universal, as are our mommy reactions! =)
    Mariann recently posted..The Mommy Blues

  4. Sharm's Outlet

    This takes me down a memory lane… You have every possible law… I had FUN reading this post…
    Sharm’s Outlet recently posted..My leisure readings

  5. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom

    I definitely remember some of these. Oh, the cookware symphonies! 🙂
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Someone Else, Not Me

  6. Chanda

    I do remember those days! Mine are a little older now and I miss those days, no matter how tired I was I will always look back fondly =)
    Chanda recently posted..About Me

  7. The Shitastrophy

    Good times! My kids still eat off my plate – they are 8 and 9. Drives me bonkers.
    The Shitastrophy recently posted..Why Rivalries Suck

  8. TK

    So true about the refrigerator door! Here’s my addition: Acceptance of food offered to a toddler is inversely proportional to the effort put into making it.
    TK recently posted..A Day Like Today: Hidden wonders in small things

  9. Leslie

    All very true! How about this one: Even if you hide all the crayons and markers, you will still find mystery lines on the sofa/coffee table.
    Leslie recently posted..{Weigh In Wednesday} Week 30

  10. Alison

    The last one is so true, hah!
    Alison recently posted..Do

  11. hanna

    Hi there, I’m Hanna! I’m co-hosting the Aloha Friday hop this week and just wanted to stop by, say hi and follow your blog 🙂

  12. Frances D

    Each and every one is the truth, but number one is the truest of all. Thanks for sharing.
    Frances D recently posted..How Does Your Garden Grow – Ladies Only Blog Share

  13. Tiffany

    Oh My Goodness this list is On The Money! #1, 2, 5, 6 and 10 are like my most re-occuring nightmares. And I’ve gone through all of them 4 times over. You would THINK I would have learned to avoid them by now…awesome post!
    Tiffany recently posted..Highways, Bridges & Trucks…Oh My!

  14. Melissa@Home on Deranged

    The Bubble Guppies one is so true. And, on infinite loop. Although right now, we are on a three day Finding Nemo streak. sigh.
    p.s. saw you on SITS Sharefest 🙂
    Melissa@Home on Deranged recently posted..Kickin’ the bucket list, aka extreme wishing

  15. Jessica Smock

    Yup, this sounds about right. It’s my life with a two year. However, we haven’t checked out Bubble Guppies yet… Hmm.
    Jessica Smock recently posted..Please Tell Me That I Can Stay 39 Forever

  16. Stephanie @ CrayonMarks&TigerStripes

    Every single one is true!!! Especially the headache one…seriously…. 😉

  17. La Dale Johnson

    Yes yes yes on trying to get them to stay up later so they will sleep in later. Why doesn’t this work *fist in the air*. Great post!

  18. misssrobin

    Oh, my heavens. You just made me incredibly grateful that my baby is fifteen. Those days were rough. Good luck to all of you out there with little ones. It will pass. I promise.
    misssrobin recently posted..When I Don’t Get What I Want

  19. Rabia @TheLiebers

    If you son refuses to choose between the two outfits you offer him and dress him anyway, he will immediately show a VERY LOUD preference for the outfit you didn’t put on him.
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Story

  20. Julie

    Brilliant list. I would add:

    After changing the sheets on your toddler’s bed, he/she will either vomit, pee or poop on them that night.
    Julie recently posted..Finding My (Mom) Voice

  21. Michelle

    haha! How true are these! Of course teenagers have their own laws…
    Michelle recently posted..Year in Review…The Best of 2013! {Ladies Only Blog Share}

  22. Amber Day Hicks

    Oh my gosh, C!!! Bless your heart. I can honestly say I don’t miss these moments at all, but, the rosey cheeks & sly grins are presh!!! XO! ~A~
    Amber Day Hicks recently posted..Ladies Only Blog Share Party!!! Best of 2013: the year in review!

  23. another jennifer

    So very true. I’m kind of glad we’re beyond the toddler years now. What an adventure!
    another jennifer recently posted..Philanthropy Friday: Naked Specs Reveals Itself

  24. Jennifer

    OMG so true about the refrigerator door. lol
    Jennifer recently posted..25 Rules for Mothers of Sons – Link Love

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