Things I Don’t Want My Daughter Growing Up Believing

I always wanted to have a daughter. After having three boys and knowing instinctively each time that I was carrying XYers, I kind of gave up on the dream. I didn’t think being the mom of a little girl was in the cards for me.  And I accepted that reality. My boys were the greatest gifts, and I was a pro at raising the male population.

Things really do change in a heartbeat. Twelve years after having my last son, I became pregnant again. From the moment we first read the positive result on a home pregnancy test, I just knew. I knew she was coming.  Everything told me that inside I was carrying a little girl, an XXer.  She arrived in December 2011, Alessandra Rayne.

It’s been a joy having her in our lives. She is a wonderful little girl whom we all cherish. I do find, however, that I am already much more protective of her than I was of the boys.  I worry because society has such different perceptions and so-called standards for girls – women. There are so many additional pressures – social influences, cultural changes and so on.  I hope to be a good role model and teach her to be her authentic self; to never sacrifice who she is and what she is all about to conform to society’s misconstrued “norms.” It will be a challenge, I know, but I’m up for it.  It will start with honesty and openness.

Here are some things I don’t want my daughter growing up believing:

I don’t want my daughter growing up believing that her body has to be perfect. There is no single definition of perfect and it certainly isn’t what is perceived to be idealistic according to media and Photoshopped standards. I want her to be comfortable in her own skin and not spend countless wasted hours obsessing about whether or not she is too fat or too skinny or pretty enough. I want her to live free of the labels and stigmatisms. I want her to remain true to who she is, not try to fit in.

I don’t want my daughter growing up believing that the world is a cold, harsh place. Yes, it can be, but it can also be extremely warm and welcoming. I want her to have a positive outlook and accept that there will be bad days – and weeks and months. A bump in the road does not mean that the road will forever be bumpy. There are far too many pessimists – myself included. I want her to find and make joy in her life.

I don’t want my daughter growing up believing that there is this huge inequality between men and women. That should not be her driving force. Even if women are still at a disadvantage, and I’m not saying they are, I want my daughter to strive for personal bests. I don’t want her growing up thinking that because she is female she will never get a fair shake or, even worse, that the world owes her something.

I don’t want my daughter growing up believing that when she has reached adulthood she will no longer need mom. Some things never change and even as adults, we often seek reassurance and comfort from our mothers. I want her to be independent, but I want her to know that it is okay to need and, more importantly, want her mom in her life.

I don’t want my daughter growing up believing that the world is flat. Damn it. These schools had better do a good job teaching her and future generations.

Posted on by Crystal in Motherhood, Oh Aless!

8 Responses to Things I Don’t Want My Daughter Growing Up Believing

  1. Pingback: My Daughter, the Redhead | MommiFried

  2. Michelle

    Love this! I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking any of those things either. In fact, a few years back my husband told our daughter that she wouldn’t be able to break a particular record in intermediate school because she had to compete against boys…they didn’t have a boy record and a girl record. This comment resulted in her yelling that she could do anything a boy could, and breaking the record the following year. Don’t tell that child she can’t do something, because she will do it. Gotta love a strong willed girl. They usually turn out to be strong women.
    Michelle recently posted..5 Top Take Away Tips for a Successful Blog from Bloggy Boot Camp

  3. Janine Huldie

    As the mom of two little girls, I think this post was awesome. I honestly just want my girls to grow up happy and healthy. And whatever good can come there way to me is a huge bonus. I, however, am a girl mom through and through and can of shocked many days that I was blessed twice over with my girls. Things may get crazy around our house, but deep down wouldn’t have it any other way. So happy to have found you on the hop today and look forward to following you now!! 🙂
    Janine Huldie recently posted..Divine Interventions & Then There Was Wine

  4. Angela

    Oh my gosh I love this post so much! I’ve always felt like raising a daughter was completely different from raising a son. With a daughter I’m raising someone’s future mother and all that carries with it. I know firsthand the insecurity that being female can carry and the pressure society puts on us if we let it. With raising a son I always felt like I was raising someone’s future husband and I want desperately for him to be a good man and there are definitely things I want him to learn but raising another female is definitely different.
    Angela recently posted..The Joys of Traveling With Kids by Guest Blogger Kendra Thornton

  5. Tell Another Mom

    I love this. With a three year old daughter that is way beyond her years I am constantly thinking of what messages I want to send her. The biggest thing for me is to lead by example and always show her what it means to be a strong independent and confident woman. Thanks for such a great post
    Tell Another Mom recently posted..Ladies Only Blog Share : ‘Remember When’

  6. Tamara Camera

    This. All of this! I had a daughter first and I’m amazed at how different my relationship is with my son. I can’t imagine what it would be like in the reverse. Ultimately I want them to always feel loved, supported, heard..but I know I’ll make a lot of mistakes along the way. I love the two of them together so much.
    Tamara Camera recently posted..Challenges, Struggles, Confessions.

  7. Mothering From Scratch

    {Melinda} I think it’s easier and easier to see the world as cold and harsh. It’s so easy to become cynical. I hope I help my daughter see reality, but also that there are kind people in this world. I want to inspire her to be one of them. Great post, Crystal.
    Mothering From Scratch recently posted..the sacrifice of a mother’s sleep

  8. Barb

    These are indeed things we moms of daughters think about. Perhaps even lie awake about. Have you seen the kids book “The Princess Knight” by Cornelia Funke and Kerstin Meyer? It is about a princess who has brothers and she decides she is going to be the best ‘knight’ of them all. It is a great book. Your daughter might like it too! visiting via ladies only blog share at hope you can come visit over at
    Barb recently posted..Comment on Lovely Letters by Barb

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