What I’m Really Thinking While Watching Kids’ Cartoons

watching kids' cartoons

Caden officially outgrew watching cartoons about a year ago. Aless, on the other hand, has just reached the age of being totally intrigued by dancing sponges and doodling dogs. What does that mean for mom? Well, whether I like it or not, I’m subjected to watching hours of nausea inducing animated characters doing things that would cause us real people to get arrested. As you can tell, I’m not a big cartoon fan. Never have been. But I do behave as my daughter enjoys the colorful escapades unfolding before her tiny, impressionable eyes. Inside, however, is a whole different story. Inside, I’m flipping off Johnny Test and trying to figure out how to pronounce “Lalaloopsy”. La-la-loop-say. Lala-loop-see. I know. I’m going to hell.

Here’s what I’m really thinking while watching kids’ cartoons:

Dora the Explorer

The good news: I can’t understand half of what’s being said in this cartoon. The bad news: Dora is like nails on a chalkboard for me. Let’s start with the hair. Oh honey, that hairstyle is so 1998. Honestly, I’d like to sneak into the television with a pair of barber’s shears. But I can look past that minor detail. I’m more concerned about what you’re doing with that bipedal, conniving fox? You’re in denial. Those are not LOST items. They are STOLEN. Technically, we should call la policía. Finally…and this is a BIG one…paleeze…ditch the map! Get yourself some GPS and give geocaching a try.

Max and Ruby

The entire time I’m watching this show, I can’t help but think, “You little twit.” Max reminds me of someone who would eat an ice cream cone from the bottom up  while whining the entire time. Seriously, Ruby. Forget asking for his opinion or help. You’d get twice as many episodes into the half-hour if you ditched your brother.

SpongeBob SquarePants

Duuuuude! You have more meltdowns than Lindsey Lohan on court day. It’s called Xanax. Or Prozac. Or vodka. But I still love your happy little ass!

Bubble Guppies

You have me so confused! Some of you are bright. Yay! But the rest of you…well…you appear to be blowing bubbles while floating through a bed of seaweed. Has the saltwater gone to your heads? Then there’s the quiet one. You scare the mother loving pants off me with that, “I’m going to set you on fire with gasoline,” look in your eyes. Mr. Grouper – you have got to be the world’s worst teacher. Your class is out of control!

The Backyardigans

I’m from Maine.  There are no moose in Brooklyn. Trust me on this one.

Annoying Orange

What.The.InsertExpletive. It’s a talking orange with a human mouth. Am I tripping?

Posted on by Crystal in Kids, MUDDies

16 Responses to What I’m Really Thinking While Watching Kids’ Cartoons

  1. Dakota

    Ha, this is so funny. I completely agree with you! I’ve never been much for cartoons, either. Especially the ones where the little brats get away with anything and everything, and then at the end, they apologize and everything is happy again.
    Except, oh wait, they do the same thing next episode. *shoot me now*

    Thanks for making me smile, and helping me realize I’m not crazy. 🙂

    ~Dakota
    Dakota recently posted..The Perfect Mother’s Day Gifts

  2. Angela

    SpongeBob is like nails on a chalkboard to me, I hate that show and it’s butt humor (as I call it).

    Max & Ruby…where is the adult in this household?

    My annoying one you missed, Caillou. That kid is straight up ANNOYING!
    Angela recently posted..Is your child dehydrated? Would you recognize the signs of mild dehydration?

    • Crystal

      I vaguely remember Caillou. And I don’t think we have it on any of the stations here anymore. Sounds like a good thing! LOL

  3. Melissa @ Fit 'n' Well Mommy

    Love this post! My son is into Sesame Street (Elmo more than anything), Diego and Yo Gabba Gabba (which I think is a little strange) and I always have my own thoughts about the shows when I watch them with him!
    Melissa @ Fit ‘n’ Well Mommy recently posted..Kid-Friendly Paleo Nutty Banana Bread

    • Crystal

      Yo Gabba Gabba is another one which leaves me wondering what the heck I’ve been ingesting! 🙂

  4. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons

    I totally agree with Angela bout Spongebob and Max & Ruby. Also, thanks to The Little Einstiens, my youngest daughter now want a “rocket” and a violin – I’m not sure which one scares me most!
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted..Tuesday Ten – Things I Like About Myself

  5. MommieDaze

    Ugh. I feel brain cells leaving my body every time my kids watch those shows.
    MommieDaze recently posted..Dandelion Days

    • Crystal

      Tell me about it! I just have to grin and cheer the characters on with my daughter.

  6. Tamara Camera

    I know it’s not original to complain about Caillou but that one can be trouble. We seem to be mostly past it and it did make her happy, so not too many complaints here. As for Dora…we still haven’t gotten into it. I’m holding my breath here.
    Tamara Camera recently posted..Storytelling With Your Photos (Guest Post)

    • Crystal

      Yep! As long as they are happy – that’s what matters! 🙂

  7. thedoseofreality

    Annoying Orange honestly makes me want to gouge out my eyes! And Max and Ruby is the BANE of my existence. Great post!-Ashley
    thedoseofreality recently posted..We Have A Candy Crush

    • Crystal

      I have to agree. Max and Ruby is pretty darn annoying, starting with that theme song. UGH!

  8. Michelle

    Oh I am really glad I don’t have to watch these anymore!!
    Michelle recently posted..Ten Ways To Take Better Portraits With Your DSLR {Guest Post}

    • Crystal

      Until 16 months ago, I thought never again! Little surprises. 🙂

  9. Savvy Working Gal

    This is hilarious. I babysat my niece once when she was sick. All she wanted to do was watch Teletubbies, Barney and Dora. I don’t think I’ve ever recovered.
    Savvy Working Gal recently posted..Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman

  10. Norine & Jessica

    Can totally relate! When I was stuck watching those Baby Einstein DVDs, all I kept thinking was, whoever created this must have been tripping on some serious acid or ‘shrooms. Now I am in the land of Beyblades, Pokemon and every Disney Channel ‘tween sitcom ever made. It’s a nonstop marathon of Let it rip …. hey Jessie … shake it up …
    Norine & Jessica recently posted..Viral Geyser Phenomenon

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