10 Things I Want to Say to My Gynecologist

Can we skip the weigh in? I’m bloated twenty days out of every month. I don’t need three glaring numbers reminding me to skip Burger King on the way home. Can we do a visual estimation and call it good? She looks larger than last time but is not quite ready for a Richard Simmons intervention works for me. Where’s the panty coat rack? Just once, I’d love to enter an examination room and see a place to store/hang my Read more

The Fake Can of Peas and Choosing Your Parenting Battles

“Mama! Open it!” the three-year-old tyrant demanded. “Aless, I can’t open it! It’s a fake can of peas!” I fired back. “It’s plastic and all molded together. It doesn’t open!” As if this would have ended the war with my stubborn, sleep-deprived toddler. “OPEN IT! NOW, MAMA! NOW!” Red was clouding my vision. Anger morphed into lunacy. I reached for the nearest serrated butcher knife and began hacking away. “God damned, Santa,” I muttered to myself. “Had to bring an entire basket of Read more

How to Survive Walmart in Five Easy Steps

Walmart is a scary place. It’s like the convergence of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompa Land with One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest all rolled up into a gigantic chocolate-covered meatball. Most of us could trade horror stories about trips to this Prozac-riddled fun park—one of the only places in the world where you can buy guns and ammo, knives and swords, and toys and groceries, yet have to be 18 or older (with a valid ID) to buy Wite-Out. Read more

I’m a Closet Pooper

I have a huge confession to make. I can’t poop when anyone is around. For some reason, I completely freeze up and my shooter shuts down. I call it the emergency shit switch. It’s like a catastrophic event when I need to poop and there are people nearby. The switch gets flipped and shit just stops. Literally. My husband, on the other hand, has an open door policy when using the bathroom. It’s like he needs morale support when taking Read more

5 Unique Things to Do on Your Family Staycation

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | 3 Comments

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Why hit the road when you can have fun in your very own hometown? Staying home allows you the opportunity to have exciting new experiences in the day and still sleep in your own bed at night. The trick is finding those memorable events so the family forgets you are still at home. Try these fun, quirky suggestions: Read more

Burning Bridges Will Get You Drowned

Posted on by Crystal in Confessions of an Older Mom | 9 Comments

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Growing up, I was fascinated by my grandmother’s collection of American flags and pins, along with a file stuffed full of papers peppered with strange words like immigration, naturalization, and Oath of Allegiance. A Canadian immigrant, this patriotic memorabilia served as symbols of her US citizenship. Her roots were in Prince Edward Island, but you’d never know that she was anything but a transplanted Bostonian—Charlestown to be exact. She was a brass lady, proper and etiquette-wielding, but also possessing the ability to put you in your place if necessary. Curse words were said under your breath, not through clenched teeth. And if a life lesson could be taught, there was no need to teach someone “a lesson.”

She was full of worldly and practical advice. For me, the greatest lesson I ever learned from her was that burning bridges will get you drowned. I learned this lesson when I was quick to leave someone hanging rather than owning up to a situation and doing the right thing. I learned this lesson when I viewed someone as insignificant and inferior, as opposed to someone who was just different. I learned this lesson when those I called “friends” suddenly turned into my worst enemies. And I learned this lesson early-on in my childhood. Burning bridges will INDEED get you drowned. Read more

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Your Photos On Wood Will Look Terrific! It’s Woodific!

Posted on by Crystal in Product Reviews | 1 Comment

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My daughter, Alessandra, recently had to have some dental surgery in the hospital and under anesthesia. I was a nervous basket case, to say the least. I knew she would be in good hands, but sometimes you just never know. Watching her being wheeled into the operating room and away from us sent the tears flowing. Of course, she made it through like a trooper. I think we were more traumatized than she ever was. Which was why it was such a wonderful surprise to pick up the mail on the way home and find a beautiful picture of her imprinted onto wood. The tears flowed yet again! Read more

Working Moms & Sick Kids: How to Take Care of Jr. & Still Get Some Work Done

Posted on by Crystal in Kids | Leave a comment

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“Mom, I’m sick.”

While no mom ever wants to hear these three words, they are especially hard for moms who work outside the home. You want to take care of your child and help him or her feel better, but the thought of calling your boss and saying you need to stay home is also a big source of stress. We have some tips to help you get through cold and flu season with both your family’s health and your job intact. Read more

Sailormouth Moms: Oh My Aching Mouth!

Posted on by Crystal in Sailormouth Moms | Leave a comment

Today I suffered a minor concussing. Not

6 Reasons Your “There’s No Snow in Florida” Jokes Suck

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | 5 Comments

Spring is Here,,,,Michigan Snow Storm

Floridians, I’ve had just about enough of the “sucks to be you” jokes and memes plastered all over Facebook. I get that it’s warm where you are and that there are luscious beaches in all directions. Wahoo! I know the temperature rarely falls below 60 degrees and that normal footwear does not include wool socks. Yippee! I also understand that you have gators waiting to bite your asses off and dog-sized spiders crawling through your bathroom plumbing. But we won’t talk about those. I’m here to tell you why your warm-weather jokes REALLY suck—especially this time of the year, when it’s spring and snowing simultaneously like both ends of the flu. Read more

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How to Get Kids to Vegetables & Maintain Your Sanity

Posted on by Crystal in Guest Posts | 1 Comment

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Hi, everyone! My name is Jennifer and I blog over at MomTricks! I’m excited to write today about a topic I know a lot of parents struggle with: getting kids to eat more vegetables. Having dealt with this issue myself, I know a thing or two about it, so I hope I can offer some good advice.

There’s not a fight in history as grueling and frustrating and as the battle of mom vs. child at the dinner table. Many a weary parent has found themselves begging and pleading their kid to at least try the colorful array of foods in front of them, only to result in whines, protests and the occasional scream (and that’s not even mentioning the kid’s response). It can be absolutely draining, and it’s understandable that some parents find themselves at their wit’s end trying to get them to eat what they cooked for them. Read more

5 Blogging Lessons We Can Learn From The Walking Dead

Posted on by Crystal in Blogging Tips | 10 Comments

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I’m a little bit addicted to the whole zombie phenomenon. There’s always a good excuse for an undead movie marathon and when the apocalypse comes, I feel confident that I’ll survive for at least a week. Maybe two if I can get to Walmart before everyone else.

Like most zombie fanatics, I love The Walking Dead. There are many lessons to be learned from this post-apocalyptic gem. Some relate to life. Some even relate to blogging.

Whether you love or hate the show (we can’t be friends), here are 5 blogging lessons we can learn from The Walking Dead: Read more

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