Review My Book and Win a $200 Amazon Gift Card!

I recently published my second anthology called Clash of the Couples, a collection of completely absurd and totally ridiculous relationship spats. An amazing lineup of writers joined me to share their personal stories of love from the boxing ring. You can check them out over on my publishing site Blue Lobster Book Co. We've had an amazing launch, maintaining a top spot on Amazon's Hot New Releases and generating a lot of awesome reviews. I'm inviting you to find out Read more

The Seasons of Depression

An old cherry tree sits just outside my bedroom window. For several seasons I’ve watched it blossom to life—ripening with evergreen and fruit. I’ve also witnessed that life slowly drifting away in the cool autumn breeze. As the branches empty one by one, I sit and gaze without expression. Each leaf that falls reminds me of a ten-year-old girl buried deep in a closet, hiding behind bags of old clothes. Ashamed of the tears, she desperately tries to hide her Read more

How to Survive Walmart in Five Easy Steps

Walmart is a scary place. It’s like the convergence of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompa Land with One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest all rolled up into a gigantic chocolate-covered meatball. Most of us could trade horror stories about trips to this Prozac-riddled fun park—one of the only places in the world where you can buy guns and ammo, knives and swords, and toys and groceries, yet have to be 18 or older (with a valid ID) to buy Wite-Out. Read more

I’m a Closet Pooper

I have a huge confession to make. I can’t poop when anyone is around. For some reason, I completely freeze up and my shooter shuts down. I call it the emergency shit switch. It’s like a catastrophic event when I need to poop and there are people nearby. The switch gets flipped and shit just stops. Literally. My husband, on the other hand, has an open door policy when using the bathroom. It’s like he needs morale support when taking Read more

Brainly Takes the Frustration Out of Homework

Posted on by Crystal in Product Reviews | Leave a comment

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As the mom of five and one currently in the throes of his freshman year of high school, I’m always on the hunt for ways to help them learn and gain knowledge. But I’m not always the best person to ask for homework help. English, social studies, literature, and general science are subjects I know quite a bit about. Math and advanced topics like physics and chemistry, not so much. So when my 15-year-old approaches me with a problem like this:

2.64-(-1.83)= -1/6-5= -5/7(division sign)(-3/28= 9/2/-3= -3(-2)(1/3)(-4)(2)= -5-(2)= -5-(-2)=

I have a tendency to run for the nearest exit screaming, “I am not smarter than a fifth grader!” Thankfully there is a website that students and parents can turn to in times of need. It’s called Brainly and it’s AWESOME. Brainly is the world’s largest social learning network for students with emphasis on homework help. Read more

4 Things You Can Finally Do Now That the Kids Are Out of the House

Posted on by Crystal in Confessions of an Older Mom | 2 Comments

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After 18 years of parenting, your little one (who’s not so little anymore) is starting the next chapter—college. This is an exciting time for the whole family. And after the excitement wears off, you’ll finally have the time to put yourself first. Start your very own next chapter by reconnecting with friends, trying new things and—finally—buying yourself a little something special. Read more

Guest Post: BC (aka “Before Children”)

Posted on by Crystal in Guest Posts | 1 Comment

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I thought I knew what it would be like to have a child. I had earned college credits in early childhood education, worked in preschools, and been a nanny. Hell, I had a Doctorate degree in Psychology. Having kids couldn’t be harder than that? Sure, I had heard about sleep deprivation, but that gets better after three months, right?

Fast forward many (many as I am now “advance maternal age”) years. Here are some of the things that no one told me, or (more likely) the evolutionary strategy of not-hearing-reality-in-order-to-propogate-survival-of-the-species prevented me from hearing: Read more

Why You Should Allow Your Kids to Take Up Hunting

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | 1 Comment

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Hunting can quickly become a controversial conversation if you aren’t sure how everyone in the group feels about it. And, if you’re on the fence about taking your kids hunting with you, it can be hard to get a second opinion. If you just can’t seem to decide, here are a few reasons why hunting can be a good experience for your child: Read more

A Yuletide Intervention

Posted on by Crystal in MUDDies | Leave a comment

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Eight Things to Stick on Your Shelf Instead of an Elf

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | 12 Comments

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I’m a member of the Elf on the Shelf Haters Club. There will never be a tight-wearing, creepy bastard taking up residence on our shelves. You will not find one hidden in a dead philodendron or dropping strawberry poops into our commode. (Although I did find a mysterious half-eaten fruit in the shower the other day. I suspect it was the laundry fairy, not an uninvited dwarf.) But I’m not a total Scrooge as you might suspect. I’ve embraced a shitzilion holiday traditions (right down to Gummy Bear infused fruitcake), but Elf on the Shelf … no. He’ll never be welcomed through our doors.

You might ask yourself, “Crystal…what kind of mother doesn’t have an Elf on the Shelf?” Read more

5 Best Apps to Foster Learning

Posted on by Crystal in Kids | Leave a comment

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You want what is best for your children. Even when they are not at school, you want them to be learning, developing and growing. But, kids don’t like the sound of that. Homework can be a battle and weekends are made for fun.

However, technology is making it easier to put educational games at your kid’s fingertips. This helps to take the fight out of learning, and help your kids have fun while developing their skills. You can use apps on the latest smartphones and tablets in order to give your child everything they need to learn and grow. Here are just a few suggestions of educational apps that can grow with your child: Read more

Does Your State Have Holiday Spirit? Find Out!

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | 5 Comments

Ebenezer Scrooge's gravestone, Shrewsbury

You better watch out, you better not… hate holiday music? We decided that we wanted to predict which states are going to be on Santa’s naughty and nice lists this year, and to do that, we used our elves to find out how much holiday music each state listens to and what songs are the most popular. Read more

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