I Hate Summer (But Not For the Reasons You Do)

Summer is officially here! How do I know? Because I'm seeing more butt cleavage than a urologist on a Monday. Those are not Daisy Dukes, ladies. Those are denim Speedos. For shame! I actually hate summer. But I can assure you that it's not for the reasons you do. I don't dread having the kids home twenty-four seven for the next ten weeks. I don't mind the extreme heat or the fact that we have no air conditioning. I can Read more

If He Does THIS on Facebook, He Might be a Loser

Okay, ladies. Lately I'm hearing of and seeing a lot of you randomly adding strange men as Facebook friends. First...why? WHY? Unless there is a common connection or you somehow know him, why? It's risky. You have no idea who is sitting at the other end of the keyboard. And I'm here to tell you, it's not pretty. Or cute. Or in any way studly. It's probably pretty damn scary with a splash of cuckoo to boot. I'm writing Read more

Bloggers: How to Get More Exposure for Your Posts

Are you creating lots of awesome content for your blog, but not getting the kind of traffic you expected? Content discovery engine Outbrain (more on them in a bit) composed a haiku on the subject that perfectly sums this up: “If you wrote a blog And no one came to read it Did you write a blog?” Even if you create high-quality humorous, witty, insightful, or poignant content, you still may not be able to organically reach your intended audience—especially if you are a Read more

I’m a Closet Pooper

I have a huge confession to make. I can’t poop when anyone is around. For some reason, I completely freeze up and my shooter shuts down. I call it the emergency shit switch. It’s like a catastrophic event when I need to poop and there are people nearby. The switch gets flipped and shit just stops. Literally. My husband, on the other hand, has an open door policy when using the bathroom. It’s like he needs morale support when taking Read more

Welcome to MommiFried!

A blog about the adventures of a middle-aged mom suffering from Motherhood Unintentional Distraction Disorder, otherwise known as MUDD. MUDD is the inability to complete a thought or action without being distracted by 14 million other things related to motherhood: balancing work and home life, taking care of pets, changing poopy diapers, cooking, cleaning, shopping, changing poopy diapers...you see where this is going, right? If you're a mom, you've probably experienced two or three or 500,000 episodes of MUDD since Read more

Dear Toddler, Screw Your Tantrums

Posted on by Crystal in Confessions of an Older Mom | 17 Comments


Dear Toddler,

I woke up this morning with every intention of having a great day. Outside the window, playful little birds bounced through the trees. Mother Nature gleefully peeked her yellow face from behind the clouds. The new coffee I purchased tasted like paradise in a cup. I was so in love, I tried finding the number for the grower in Antigua so I could properly thank him. A day like this … how could anything go wrong?

And then you woke up. Read more

Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party: Summer Downtime

Posted on by Crystal in Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party | 4 Comments


Summer is in full swing! The kids are out of school! And it’s time to take a vacation. Whether it’s off to an exotic island or right at home, we want to hear about your summer escapades! This week’s Ladies Only Blog Share is all about enjoying these warm, inviting days. From sun-kissed recipes and adorable crafts to best vacation spots and everything in between, we want to showcase your best summer goodies! So link up those summer posts – old or new – and enjoy your summer downtime.

Happy LOBS everyone!

Read more

I’m a Sony Pictures Sex Tape Blogger! Woot!

Posted on by Crystal in Movie Reviews | 8 Comments


This is a compensated post written by me on behalf of Sony Pictures. 

Sony Pictures is releasing a little (HUGE) movie called Sex Tape this week starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal. They play a married couple who are very much in love, but struggling to keep the passion alive in their relationship after ten years, two kids, and two jobs. They decide to spice things up by making a private video and, as I’m sure you can guess, quickly find out their private video was made not so private. Can you say “Welcome to the Cloud?!” The film chronicles the lengths they’ll go to (and hijinks that ensue) to recover and erase the evidence. Read more

Cover Reveal: Are You Kidding Me?

Posted on by Crystal in Book Reviews | 3 Comments


Ever feel like pulling your hair out because the kids are driving you bonkers? Are you hiding Uncle Gus and Cousin Henry in the attic so that no one finds out how crazy your family really is? Do you constantly ask the question, “Are you kidding me?” If so, then humorist Stacey Gustafson’s new book, Are You Kidding Me? My Life With An Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives might be the book for you. It’s coming soon (fall 2014!). Here’s a sneak peek: Read more

Surviving the Many Itches of Summer – Cortizone-10 #MC

Posted on by Crystal in Product Reviews | 4 Comments


I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for Cortizone-10. I received a product sample to facilitate my review as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation.

Summer means getting outdoors all day, everyday if you’re lucky. But with the great outdoors come the bugs, poisonous plants, sunburn, and heat rashes! Bring on the many itches of summer! Right now my family is covered in insect bites from a night by the fire, poison ivy from venturing too far into the woods looking for kindling, and a lovely rash that has something to do with exerting oneself trying to build the perfect fire: Read more

A Nagging Household Problem Solved! #DixieQuicktakes

Posted on by Crystal in Product Reviews | Leave a comment

This post is brought to you by Dixie Quicktakes.

It’s been happening for decades in the dark corners of kitchens all around the globe. Just when you think things are organized and up to par, everything changes in a millisecond. As mounds of BBQ leftovers or Aunt Mabel’s three-season quiche wait to be put away … this unfolds: Read more

Crock Pot Cream of Zucchini Soup

Posted on by Crystal in Gram's Recipe Tin | 1 Comment

Crock Pot Cream of Zucchini Soup

It’s that time of year! Gardens are overflowing with delicious fruits and vegetables. One that has a tendency to overflow more than others: zucchini. This little plant can turn into a beast overnight, yielding a high volume of squash. If you’ve found yourself buried in green gold, consider making a batch of Crock Pot Cream of Zucchini Soup. Make it on a day that is rainy or overcast. We have plenty of those during the summer months! Read more

I Would Never Do THAT

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | 18 Comments

I Would Never Do THAT

Over the weekend, my husband and I watched the infamous Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on one of those sports channels that doesn’t see much love unless my better half is around. (Here I am thinking that eating was only a competitive sport when you make ONE box of macaroni and cheese and dish it out in two bowls, at which point two children cagefight over which bowl has more noodles and who gets the biggest helping.)

As the contestants were introduced, the screen revealed their individual world records. A few caused my gagging reflex to come to life. One very voluptuous dude held the record for eating twenty-four dozen oysters. Another was King of shoving pounds of octopus down his throathole. Apparently, gluttony has no limits. This set off a firestorm of “I wouldn’t eat that or that.” Which somehow led to “I wouldn’t do that or that.” Which revealed some key differences between men and women (and how incredibly stupid we are sometimes) … Read more

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