The Seasons of Depression

An old cherry tree sits just outside my bedroom window. For several seasons I’ve watched it blossom to life—ripening with evergreen and fruit. I’ve also witnessed that life slowly drifting away in the cool autumn breeze. As the branches empty one by one, I sit and gaze without expression. Each leaf that falls reminds me of a ten-year-old girl buried deep in a closet, hiding behind bags of old clothes. Ashamed of the tears, she desperately tries to hide her Read more

How to Survive Walmart in Five Easy Steps

Walmart is a scary place. It’s like the convergence of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompa Land with One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest all rolled up into a gigantic chocolate-covered meatball. Most of us could trade horror stories about trips to this Prozac-riddled fun park—one of the only places in the world where you can buy guns and ammo, knives and swords, and toys and groceries, yet have to be 18 or older (with a valid ID) to buy Wite-Out. Read more

Dear Toddler, Screw Your Tantrums

Dear Toddler, I woke up this morning with every intention of having a great day. Outside the window, playful little birds bounced through the trees. Mother Nature gleefully peeked her yellow face from behind the clouds. The new coffee I purchased tasted like paradise in a cup. I was so in love, I tried finding the number for the grower in Antigua so I could properly thank him. A day like this … how could anything go wrong? And then you Read more

I’m a Closet Pooper

I have a huge confession to make. I can’t poop when anyone is around. For some reason, I completely freeze up and my shooter shuts down. I call it the emergency shit switch. It’s like a catastrophic event when I need to poop and there are people nearby. The switch gets flipped and shit just stops. Literally. My husband, on the other hand, has an open door policy when using the bathroom. It’s like he needs morale support when taking Read more

A Trio of Thanksgiving Dessert Recipes to Try This Year

Posted on by Crystal in Gram's Recipe Tin | Leave a comment

Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie

For pumpkin pie fans, Thanksgiving is like a personal holy grail. And while pumpkin pie is certainly fine and dandy, it also has a bit of a been there, done that element to it. If you are ready to take your Thanksgiving dessert options to the next level, try one of these three recipes: Read more

Help Make a Dream Come True! Today Only!

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | Leave a comment


Hey everyone,

I’m posting to see if you’ll help make a dream come true! I’d love to hit the Amazon Best Seller’s List with my new book Clash of the Couples (a book I co-authored along with forty-five fellow bloggers). We recently hit #2 in our category (Marriage) and have been a hot new release several times in the past week.

Today, you can download a copy for just $0.99 on Amazon. AGAIN – TODAY ONLY. That’s less than the Starbucks you’re currently sipping and would sure make this lady very happy!

So please, please, please…download today! The more downloads, the greater the chances of hitting that list!

Thank you for your continued support!

Crystal @ MommiFried
Book page:

To the Woman Who Told Mom to “Quiet” Her Tantruming Kid

Posted on by Crystal in Confessions of an Older Mom | 8 Comments


Hey Woman Who Told Mom to “Quiet” Her Tantruming Kid,

By now you’re an Internet sensation. But unlike David who went to the dentist or Charlie who bit his sibling’s finger, your time in the lime light is not for being a one-hit comical wonder. You won’t be marveled upon for years to come for your cutesy, intoxicated ways. We won’t repeatedly say, “Is this real life?” in your honor long after the phrase has lost its brilliance. Nope. You’ll be remembered for very different reasons. Here’s why: Read more

Five Crazy Things Most Couples Fight About

Posted on by Crystal in MommiFried Extras | 1 Comment


Money, kids, sex. When we think of couples fighting, these topics immediately come to mind. I mean, who hasn’t watched an episode of Divorce Court or witnessed a couple arguing in the middle of a department store about what they can or cannot spend on a new washer and dryer? Watch out! Lovers’ spat in aisle seven!

Most couples deal with a roller coaster of financial issues, the craziness of raising families, and when and how to sneak in a little nooky time on a daily basis. Something has to keep Jerry Springer busy, right? Wrong. What actually brings out love’s boxing gloves might surprise you.

While working on my latest project, Clash of the Couples, it became apparent that couples fight over trivial, completely absurd stuff. Sure, what’s in our bank accounts and how to raise our offspring are still major sources of tension. And sex is at the carnal epicenter of being human. We’ll always find a reason to bicker over who initiated what and when. But what causes Adam and Eve to really lose their shizzle nizzle extends far beyond the basics.

Here are five crazy things most couples fight about: Read more

You Want Some College Boobs? (An Excerpt)

Posted on by Crystal in Life As We Know It | 1 Comment


My second book, Clash of the Couples, came out Monday to rave reviews! Someone actually said that we made them pee! I’m going to rent a billboard and put that up there. LOL! Yay for couples fighting over absurd stuff. I’m so excited for this release. Thank you for all the support!

Rather than make you wait to read my story “You Want Some College Boobs?” I thought I’d share an excerpt here: Read more

My Second Book Is Here!

Posted on by Crystal in Confessions of an Older Mom | 11 Comments

Buy My Book! (3)

My second book, Clash of the Couples, is HERE! Although I’m still tinkering with Createspace to get the cover snippet right (the problem is on their end), I couldn’t be more proud and excited to see this book launch. If you haven’t heard of it (where have you been?), here’s what it’s all about:

Clash of the Couples is a new anthology featuring a collection of absurd lovers’ quarrels and relationship spats. Couples just starting their journeys and those who have been together “forever” will relate to dozens of short stories running the “one said, the other said” gamut—from disagreements over furniture, to who gets the last beer, to where to store the placenta (yes, you read that right).

The book has been endorsed by a number of humor and publishing heavyweights, including Josh Blue, comedian and winner of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, and Abby Heugel, popular humorist and blogger at Abby Has Issues. Squeee! Look at what they had to say: Read more

Scents of the Season With the Febreze Home for the Holidays Collection

Posted on by Crystal in Product Reviews | Leave a comment


Now that Halloween is behind us, it’s time to start thinking about the holidays. To get into the spirit, nothing sets the mood better than the scents of the season lingering through the air! That’s why I love the Febreze Home for the Holidays Collection. What scents come to mind when thinking about the holidays? Maybe it’s the delicious aroma of an apple pie baking. Or perhaps it’s the scent of a freshly hung pine wreath, a cup of vanilla latte, or cranberries cooking on the stove top. The Febreze Home for the Holiday Collections captures them all and more! Read more

Real or Artificial? How Much Do You Love to Sweep?

Posted on by Crystal in Contests & Giveaways | 3 Comments


Five years ago, I made the switch from real to artificial Christmas trees. It was hard letting go of the smell of fresh pine that filled the air. But with little ones, pets, and not a lot of time to worry about watering and cleaning up after yet another living thing, artificial was the way to go. I’ve purchased both lit and unlit artificial Christmas trees. I strongly prefer the unlit as you control the type of lights and don’t have to manhandle an entire tree when a light does (and one will) go out. Currently we have 7 foot artificial Christmas tree (like the one seen here) that is easy to set up and take down. Read more

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